At the Sidewalk Cafe, Photo by Rusty


The inimitable Dr. Frank Portman - Photo by Rusty

Sidewalk Surfin'
When I heard Dr. Frank was going to be in NYC to do some promotion for his hit teen novel "King Dork," my first thought was, wow, how awesome would it be to play on the same bill as one of my songwriting/pop-punk/all-around heroes? Well, one thing led to another, I called in a shitload of favors, and on Friday night, my dream came true. Dr. Frank did an acoustic set at The Sidewalk Cafe', and I played right after him.

My original plan was to open with a cover of MTX's "I Wrote A Book About Rock n Roll." Great plan except that I forgot to tell Dr. Frank and ask him not to play it himself; which of course he did. So I jumped on stage with my guitar half-tuned and my set list trashed, which caused a little early-set fumbling. But I'd like to think I recovered and did okay. I wasn't planning on a 50 minute set and had only rehearsed a few songs, so I was pulling tunes out of my ass and doing songs that I hadn't played in months, but I pretty much remembered everything. I threw in an old piece of shtick that Mykel Board used to do in Artless - I filled an empty rubbing alcohol bottle with water and took a swig onstage, while complaining about the high drink prices at the Sidewalk. It got a few laughs, so I was happy. (Hey, "artists borrow; geniuses steal." I think Chuck Berry said that.)

Let us not forget the man of the hour, Dr. Frank. I think he's still a little blown away by the success of King Dork. It took him, by his own admission, nearly 10 years before anybody outside of a small cult of fans really cared about The Mr. T Experience. Yet his first novel has been an immediate hit - great reviews, great distribution, and it's reportedly sold 25,000 copies (it's in its 5th or 6th printing.) That's like having a platinum record on your first solo disc in the publishing world.

On Tuesday night, Dr. Frank did a reading at Coliseum Books on 42nd Street, drawing dozens of people. He read passages from the book and played a few songs. At the Sidewalk, it was all music (albeit all acoustic, since it is a folk cabaret.) He ran thru the MTX songbook, added a few songs he wrote for "King Dork" (songs that the main character in the book writes for his fictional band,) and threw in a few unrecorded tunes too, including "If You See Mary" and his hilarious hate anthem to Cingular Wireless. (If anybody has an MP3 of that, I will trade pretty much anything I have for a copy!! Email me!)

I really need to say a few things here. First, my deep thanks to Lach, who books the Sidewalk and acquiesed to my playing after Dr. Frank. That was a big leap of faith on his part; I've played the Sidewalk several times but never drew more than a handful of people. Of course, with Dr. Frank, I had a built-in draw right before and some good friends from the NYC pop/punk scene who I'd figure would stick around. And they did. If anyone had told me 10 years ago that one day I'd be sharing a bill with Dr. Frank and playing in front of Lawrence Livermore, I would have said they were crazy. Yet Larry's in NYC for the summer and he was there (and I think he liked the set; at least I hope he did.) A whole bunch of my non-punk friends came out too - at midnight on a weeknight, which is friendship beyond and above the call of duty - so I want to think Gecko and Dan and the two Drews and John Raido and anybody else I forgot to mention.

The Sidewalk Cafe is a weird little venue; it really doesn't feel like NYC. On the plus side, the audiences there tend to be largely other musicians so they really listen to the performers. Impromptu singalongs are common, since everybody knows everybody else's songs and everybody who goes there can actually sing. But the bookings tend to be, well, eclectic doesn't begin to describe it. When I got to the club, there was a two-man comedy act on who did 50 minutes of jokes about farting, doggie poo, and masturbation. Not only was most of the material juvenile and painfully lame, but one of the guys was convinced that any bad joke would automatically become funny IF YOU TALKED REALLY LOUD AND MADE FUNNY FACES AND SCREAMED AT THE AUDIENCE!! And following them was a jazz cellist who sang like Sting and look like Zac Morris from Saved By The Bell (complete with muscle shirt and impeccably moussed blond hair.) Now don't get me wrong; the guy was very talented. But if you had said, "Hey Jim, what are you doing Thursday night?", my answer would almost certainly not have been, "I'm going to the East Village to see that hot new jazz cellist that eveybody's raving about."

But those are minor quibbles. God knows I'm not in this for the money; in fact, I would have gladly paid for the chance to just see Dr. Frank perform, let alone have the huge honor of performing on the same bill. So let's just say that I had an amazing time, and I am going to be beaming for weeks, at least. I keep saying that this has been the summer of my life - starting out with the best WE Fest in years, than the Insubordination Fest in Baltimore, then the Go! reunion, and now this. Of course, last summer was the worst six months of my life, so I guess I had one coming. Never underestimate karma. Or, as Little Big Tom would say, "Rock and roll!"